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Advice On Attachment Parenting

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If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what to do when you feel frustrated, angry or stressed out in your role as a parent, then you’re not alone. As much as parenting can be a joy, it can also be a real chore. Let me introduce Attachment Parenting. Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.

Many new parents have a sense of guilt whenever they start to feel negative emotions around their child. However, the idealized image of the ‘perfect parent’ is simply that: an impossible stereotype no human can live up to.

It should go without saying that you should consult a doctor and/or counselor if you think you are having more serious issues that could cause you to act out harmfully against yourself or your child. Physical and emotional abuse are never o.k.

So, if you find yourself worrying whether it is normal to feel frustrated, the answer is “yes!”  If you find yourself loving, but not always liking your child, rest assured that is normal, too. Losing your temper or your patience does not mean you are bad parent or a bad person. It simply means you’ve been pushed too hard for too long without a break.

This is especially true if there are problems in your life with finances, health, relationships and so on. Getting these other problems resolved will go a long way to reducing your stress levels.

Beyond that, you must learn to schedule time for yourself. If you have a partner, ask him or her to watch the children while you go visit friends. Likewise, call on trusted friends and or relatives. See if you can arrange regularly scheduled times when you’ll get a break while someone else provides child care.

If you simply can’t get away, try to create a fun distraction that can include your child. Go for a walk or go swimming or go for ice cream. Fresh air, exercise or a little self-indulgence can help you relax and re-energize.

So What Is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting is a parenting style, or philosophy, based on what is known in the field of developmental psychology as “attachment theory”.  Attachment theory describes three potential types of emotional bond between parent and child: secure, ambivalent and avoidant.

Attachment parenting, then, is about working towards creating a secure emotional bond between parent and child by practicing certain parenting techniques believed to lead to this sense of security.

The eight principles of attachment parenting, as laid out by Dr. William Sears, are as follows:
1.    Preparation for pregnancy, birth and parenting.
2.    Feed with love and respect.
3.    Respond with sensitivity.
4.    Use nurturing touch.
5.    Engage in nighttime parenting.
6.    Provide consistent, loving care.
7.    Practice positive discipline.
8.    Strive for balance in personal and family life.

Behind these principles is the notion that one can never give their child too much attention. Parents should be generous in providing loving touch and words of support. Corporal punishment is to be avoided, and verbal discipline should be rendered in a firm but loving tone.

So What Is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting is a parenting style, or philosophy, based on what is known in the field of developmental psychology as “attachment theory”.  Attachment theory describes three potential types of emotional bond between parent and child: secure, ambivalent and avoidant.

Attachment parenting, then, is about working towards creating a secure emotional bond between parent and child by practicing certain parenting techniques believed to lead to this sense of security.

The eight principles of attachment parenting, as laid out by Dr. William Sears, are as follows:
1.    Preparation for pregnancy, birth and parenting.
2.    Feed with love and respect.
3.    Respond with sensitivity.
4.    Use nurturing touch.
5.    Engage in nighttime parenting.
6.    Provide consistent, loving care.
7.    Practice positive discipline.
8.    Strive for balance in personal and family life.

Behind these principles is the notion that one can never give their child too much attention. Parents should be generous in providing loving touch and words of support. Corporal punishment is to be avoided, and verbal discipline should be rendered in a firm but loving tone.

Critics of attachment parenting claim that this level of ‘coddling’ is not necessary and the approach may backfire if the parent crosses the line from ‘sensitive’ to ‘overly permissive’.

Children do need you to be an “authoritative” figure in their lives. Note the emphasis on the word ‘authoritative’, not ‘authoritarian’. Good parenting is a balancing act. We must constantly walk a line of being neither too harsh nor too easy on our children. This means making rules and boundaries that are both clear and fair.

The basic principles of attachment parenting do provide a good guidepost to the kind of relationship to strive towards with your child. Patience, consistency and loving support are all components of good parenting skills!

10 Tips for Single Parenting

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With single parenting on the rise more and more people are struggling to find ways to successfully raise children in a one-parent home. There are now many family arrangements outside of the once standard nuclear family.

single parentingEveryone wishes there was a 100% proven method for nurturing healthy children; but, with every family situation being different, what options are left for the overworked, highly stressed single parent?

Outdated ideas about the potentially unhealthy environment of a single parent home, conflicting advice about parenting and discipline styles – all of this information can leave the single parent confused and wondering how to make life easier.

The following 10 tips, however, should help you negotiate that information overload, and help you survive and thrive as a single parent.

10 Tips for Single Parenting

Tip 1: A Little Organization Goes a LONG way

Without devoting our entire lives to rigid upkeep few of us can sustain a super-organized closet, pantry, cabinet, office space etc. However, being able to quickly lay hands on the favorite superhero t-shirt, supplies for an impromptu art project, or pool toys and sports equipment can be invaluable in a time crunch.

Most kids love file folder stickers and label makers so invite them to help.  By involving the kids in the set up, organization and upkeep of drawers, shelves or closet can be both fun and incredibly educational and the next time you have to pack a “Mommy bag” or outfit a kid for a day of summer fun you’ll be able to pull it together in no time.

Tip 2: Time Management is your friend

Time passes all too quickly as a parent and if you don’t take an active role in managing it you will find yourself wasting one of your most valuable resources: your time.

Whether it’s a mega-sized family wall calendar, a day planner, or a a sticker chart, a little time management in your schedule can be a real stress relief for the single parent. Get the kids involved in setting up a routine, delegating assignments and fulfilling responsibilities.

Set up a system of awards when everyone does their jobs efficiently and effectively. Try to avoid food, television and/or money as an award. How about a night of board games or a trip to the park?  Encourage personal responsibility, a good work ethic, and the importance of valuing your time.

Tip 3: Really…it’s Funny

Laugh. It’s the only way to survive single parenting. Laugh at yourself, the world in general, and the sometimes-irritating often-quirky view of life as seen through the eyes of a child. Funniest home videos have nothing on the average day in the life of a kid. So laugh.

Even if, at the time, the paint all over the wall doesn’t seem funny, you’ll find yourself laughing later in the retelling of the story. Laughter will combat stress and remind you that in the Grand Scheme of Life it’s really no big deal.

Tip 4: You Can’t Do it All…

No matter how it sometimes feels, you are not defective for being a single parent. Remember, crisis can occur even in the most stable of two-parent homes.

The only thing constant in the universe is change. Life is unpredictable and you are only one person. Sickness happens, accidents and malfunctions happen, situations come up that are outside your skill set and leave you feeling like you’ve just been dropped into enemy

Tip 5: Confidence vs. Humility

A child’s parent is their first sense of attachment and security. While no one ever has all the answers, when making decisions alone you must act from a place of sure-footedness.

Ask questions of others, research when you can and when in doubt, trust your instincts: You know your child and yourself. You’re guaranteed to react badly, mess up or make the wrong decision at some point (most likely at several!) It’s OK. You’re human. Use the opportunity to teach your child a lesson in admitting fault, accepting responsibility with grace and the importance of seeking to correct mistakes.

You’re not a superhero…and that’s ok.

Tip 6: Kids are People too

From toddler to teen your child will continuously amaze and infuriate you with their own unique, separate identity with all its many strengths and weaknesses. While the family dynamic of a single parent homes often leads to greater responsibilities for a child it’s important to remember that they are not your equal partner. They are your child and aren’t supposed to deal with all the things that you do as their parent.

Use age-appropriate honesty when answering questions or discussing life-changes. Kids are people, their vote, opinions, feelings and input are and should be valuable, but you are the parent and you are the adult.

Never let your child feel like their vote doesn’t count, but never let them forget who gets the final say. Ultimately, they will appreciate the boundaries you set, learn a sense of self-respect and still enjoy the carefree atmosphere of childhood.

Tip 7: Pamper Yourself

When fulfilling all the many roles of parenthood it’s easy to let yourself get worn down. Personal sacrifice is an expected part of parenting but it’s equally important to take time and pamper you. Eat, rest well, exercise, practice good grooming. All of these are a start but pampering is important too.

Buy a new cd; take an indulgent bubble bath, exchange free babysitting with another parent so you can have some time to yourself. Remember that you are more than just “Little Janie’s Mom” or “Michaels’s Dad”…you are a person in your own right and deserve some fun and frolic.

Tip 8: Consistency is Key

Life happens, Exhaustion and frustration happen,  but if you say you’re going to do it, you have to do it. In discipline, time spent together, and maintaining boundaries, consistency is an absolute must to survive single parenting.  Enforce household rules.  Make good on promises to spend time with your child.
By setting an example for following through on your established word you create a sense of security and model a valuable lesson in reliability and accountability..

Tip 9: Make Stolen Moments

We would all love to take of for a few weeks out of the year to celebrate and create memories with our children. For most of us that isn’t likely to happen very often. So make your own stolen moments.
Turn a car trip to the store into a karaoke radio sing-along. Throwing together sandwiches for a quick meal? Why not eat them on a blanket on the floor as an impromptu picnic. Decorate a cake and celebrate everyone’s “Un-birthday”.
These are the moments you’ll remember. Celebrate Life with your children. You’ve earned it!

Tip 10: Get to know your Kid

In the hectic day-to-day race that single parenting seems to grow into it is easy to spend so much time focusing on the “Big Picture” that we forget what parenting is all about: Your relationship with your child.

Parenting Teenagers | Some Thoughtful Advice

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The much-anticipated teenage years will come! Are you prepare? Not since the approach of potty-training has any stage of development caused more sleepless nights than adolescence.  What do you say about sex? Religion? Cars? Jobs?  Drugs? What about friends? What about College? And what is THAT my kid is wearing, reading, listening to? Here some thoughtful advice for parenting teenagers.

Perhaps much of our parental anxiety stems from our own memories of the teen years. For most of us, there are more than a few emotional, physical and mental scars from that very turbulent time. It is understandable that we worry about what challenges our own children will face in a world that seems a little harder and more chaotic.

So, what is the best approach or the best ‘philosophy’ to take when it comes time to deal parenting teenagers ? First, you have pay more attention recognizing that your teen is just as scared as you are, though he or she may not show it. Value that fear for the real emotion that it is. They have good reason to be afraid as never-before-experienced thoughts and feelings spring up along with their surging hormones.

Second, realize that your teenager has a growing awareness of the approaching complexities and responsibilities of adult life. This includes everything from their place in the economic cycle to the state of world peace or the environment. Try to encourage and guide this awareness in a healthy way as your teenager tries to answer the age questions of “Who am I and where do I fit in?”

Know that the process might be frustrating at times. You’ll find yourself struggling to find a way to explain and defend your beliefs in ways you haven’t before. Do it anyway. Your teen will appreciate your ability to talk to them and listen to them about their opinions on important issues. You both might learn something from each other!

Give your adolescent the tools they need to function in the real world. Teach financial responsibility. Model a good work ethic. Many teens leave high school and even college feeling drastically unprepared for the real world. They need to learn everything from how to do laundry to how to cook a meal. They need to learn how to unclog a toilet, change a tire and balance a checkbook.

Give them freedoms, but enforce your boundaries. No matter how ‘big and grown up’ your teenager feels (or seems to you), he or she needs to know that you’re there as a stable and authoritative source of love, advice and support. Your teen will go a different direction than you wish. It is inevitable at some point that your teen will choose differently than you in relationships, career, lifestyle, politics, etc. They’ll vary from whatever hopes and dreams you have held for them. Grieve for that loss, but realize it was just a dream. Your teenager is not an extension of you, but a unique individual in her or her own right. This may be one of the hardest lessons to learn, but it really is the ultimate lesson when parenting teenagers. You have to ‘be there’ and ‘let go’ at the same time.

Parenting Tips for New Parents

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As a first-time parent, you probably have a lot of questions. How should you treat your newborn? What are the proper steps to take in feeding your baby and putting him to bed? First, remember that there are developmental milestones to take into consideration at each stage of your child’s life. The following parenting tips are intended for new mothers and fathers who have a baby 2 weeks of age or less.

Parenting Tips for New Parents

BEHAVIOR AND DEVELOPMENT

Your infant’s development depends heavily on interaction with you. You should spend as much time as you can holding, cuddling and talk to your baby. This facilitates bonding, learning and general neural development. Touch is very important. To save your own sanity, you should also nurture baby during the times when he or she is not hungry or sleepy or fussy. Make sure, too, to take some time for yourself. Schedule in naps for yourself during baby’s nap time if you can, and call upon trusted friends or family members to help baby sit so you that you can have ‘adult time’ at least once a week.

Some of the behavioral milestones to look for in infants at this age are:
1.    The first smile
2.    Beginning to recognize family voices.
3.    Begins to make small vocalizations
4.    Will briefly lift head when lying on stomach.

FEEDING

Babies at this age need only breast milk or iron-fortified formula. Always check with your physician before making any changes to your baby’s diet. Your infant’s eating habits will vary from day to day, but you should call your family doctor if your baby is losing weight or not eating at all. Feeding time should be a time of bonding for the whole family. This is where some of the closest bonding time occurs. Give your baby plenty of affection and touching during feeding time.

SLEEP

Babies should be put to sleep on their backs. Your baby will tend to sleep through the day, but it is normal for a baby to awake in the late afternoon and have a ‘fussy’ spell. This is another good time to nurture and soothe your baby. However, prepare yourself, too, for the possibility that your baby may be inconsolable. Sometimes the excess stimulus of the day simply needs to be ‘cried out’. Overall, it is best to hold and rock your baby until he is drowsy, then put him in his crib. Avoid rocking your baby to sleep, as this will train him not to go to sleep on his own.

These parenting tips are not difficult to remember. Try to view each parenting tips again and again and apply them as it will help you. If you continue to experience problems, discuss your concerns with others parents.

Bad Parenting | Matter of Perspective

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For many of us, the fear that we will somehow end up being a bad parenting begins to creep into our heads long before we have children. For others it hits us when we leave the hospital, a little puzzled that medical professionals just allowed us to leave with a tiny little human and no guidebook.  So, how does a caring parent deal with those fears? How does one avoid bad parenting?

To begin with you must rid yourself of the ridiculous notion that you can be the “Perfect Parent”. It isn’t going to happen. You’re human and you are going to make a bad call, lose your cool, make a bad judgment, etc. Now that you know it’s inevitable, start figuring out a plan of action on how you will respond to your child, yourself and any third party that might be involved when it happens. If you have an idea of how to maneuver though the prickly maze of pride-swallowing fault admittance, you’ll find that crow a little easier to eat in the future.

As an added bonus, you model for your child the truth of life that ALL people mess up and that the important thing is to learn from your mistakes. Now that we know you can’t be a perfect parent, what’s next? You try as hard as you can to be as close to a perfect parent as possible. The internet age makes it relatively easy to search and find other parents or professionals who have advice on how to deal with almost any situation that could arise. Use those resources and many others. Talk to parents, family, doctors, educators, or social workers. Gather as much information as you can, and educate yourself about the stages of development for children. Learn about learning and discipline styles. Try things out, Research Discuss. Ask for help. Then, sift through all that information and find what works for your family dynamic and personality style. A little information on the general development of a child will provide you with a treasure-trove of information that will soothe your concerns.

It’s a learning process for everyone but keep in mind that the more you learn the better prepared you are to deal with any situation. Like any great  responsibility, it helps to be educated about it to avoid making common errors. Finally, be consistent. Set clear and specific boundaries and expectations and then encourage and enforce them. Remember that, regardless of the age of your child, they have been on this planet a very short time compared to you and are trying to figure out how the world works. If you keep changing the rules on them it sets them up for failure and makes your job all the harder. So monitor yourself and don’t fall into a image of been a bad parenting.