Behavior is learned, so it can be unlearned. Parents need a specific makeover plan designed to half their kids’ bad behavior. But before you can implement such a plan, you must first understand what you’re doing wrong—and why it’s wrong.

Common discipline mistakes:

1. Thinking “It’s just a phase.”

Bad behaviors don’t go away. They almost always need parental intervention. The longer parents wait, the more likely the behavior will become a habit. So don’t call it a phase: stop the bad behavior as soon as it starts.

2. Being a poor behavior model.

Our behavior has an enormous influence on our kids’ behavior. After all, what they see is what they copy. So before parents start planning to change their kid’s behavior, they need to take a serious look at their own.

3. Not targeting the bad behavior.

It’s best to work on improving only one—and never more than two—behaviors at a time. And the more specific the plan the better. Don’t say, “He’s not behaving.” Instead, narrow the focus to target the specific behavior you want to eliminate: “He’s talking back.” And makeover will be more successful.

4. No plan to stop the bad behavior.

Once parents have identified the bad behavior, they need a solid makeover plan to stop it. The plan must (1) address the kid’s bad behavior, (2) state exactly how to correct it, (3) identify the new behavior to replace it, and (4) have a set consequence if the bad behavior continues.

5. Not teaching a substitute behavior.

No behavior will change permanently unless the child is taught a new behavior to replace it. Think about it: if you tell a kid to stop doing one behavior, what will he do instead? Without a substitute behavior, chances are the child will revert to using the old misbehavior.

6. Going alone. Big mistake!

After all if your kid is using the bad behavior on other caregivers—be it spouse, grandparents, teachers, day care providers, coaches, scout leaders, babysitters—then use the same makeover plan together. The more you work together, the quicker you’ll be in stopping the problem behavior.

7. Not sticking to the plan long enough.

Learning new behavior habits generally takes a minimum of twenty–one days of repetition. Parents need to commit to changing the bad behavior and then continue using the plan for at least three weeks. Only then will they see change.

About Michele Borba

Michele Borba, Ed.D., is an internationally renowned educator and award-winning author who is recognized for her practical, solution-based strategies to strengthen child’s behavior, self-esteem, character, and social development, and to build strong families. A sought-after motivational speaker, she has presented workshops and keynote addresses throughout North American, Europe, Asia and the South Pacific and has served as an educational consultant to hundreds of schools, and organizations. Her proposal: “Ending School Violence and Student Bullying” (SB1667) was signed into California law in 2002. She offers realistic, research-based advice culled from a career of working with over one million parents and educators.

As a recognized expert on child development, violence prevention, and character development, Dr. Borba appears regularly as a guest expert on countless TV and radio talk shows to discuss late breaking news and the every day challenges parents face today. Appearances include the “Today” “The View,” “Fox & Friends,” “Countdown, MSNBC,” “The Early Show,” “Canada AM,” “NPR: Talk of the Nation,” “Ronn Owens/KGO Radio,” and “Focus on the Family.” She has been interviewed by numerous publications including Newsweek, U.S. News & World Report, Reader’s Digest, Chicago Tribune, LA Times, Better Homes & Garden, Parenting, and Child. Her article publications have appeared in Redbook, Parents, and Family Circle. She serves on Parents magazine’s honorary advisory board and an expert to ClubMom.

Check out Dr. Michele Borba