Advice On Attachment Parenting

If you’ve ever found yourself wondering what to do when you feel frustrated, angry or stressed out in your role as a parent, then you’re not alone. As much as parenting can be a joy, it can also be a real chore. Let me introduce Attachment Parenting. Attachment parenting is a style of caring for your infant that brings out the best in the baby and the best in the parents.

Many new parents have a sense of guilt whenever they start to feel negative emotions around their child. However, the idealized image of the ‘perfect parent’ is simply that: an impossible stereotype no human can live up to.

It should go without saying that you should consult a doctor and/or counselor if you think you are having more serious issues that could cause you to act out harmfully against yourself or your child. Physical and emotional abuse are never o.k.

So, if you find yourself worrying whether it is normal to feel frustrated, the answer is “yes!”  If you find yourself loving, but not always liking your child, rest assured that is normal, too. Losing your temper or your patience does not mean you are bad parent or a bad person. It simply means you’ve been pushed too hard for too long without a break.

This is especially true if there are problems in your life with finances, health, relationships and so on. Getting these other problems resolved will go a long way to reducing your stress levels.

Beyond that, you must learn to schedule time for yourself. If you have a partner, ask him or her to watch the children while you go visit friends. Likewise, call on trusted friends and or relatives. See if you can arrange regularly scheduled times when you’ll get a break while someone else provides child care.

If you simply can’t get away, try to create a fun distraction that can include your child. Go for a walk or go swimming or go for ice cream. Fresh air, exercise or a little self-indulgence can help you relax and re-energize.

So What Is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting is a parenting style, or philosophy, based on what is known in the field of developmental psychology as “attachment theory”.  Attachment theory describes three potential types of emotional bond between parent and child: secure, ambivalent and avoidant.

Attachment parenting, then, is about working towards creating a secure emotional bond between parent and child by practicing certain parenting techniques believed to lead to this sense of security.

The eight principles of attachment parenting, as laid out by Dr. William Sears, are as follows:
1.    Preparation for pregnancy, birth and parenting.
2.    Feed with love and respect.
3.    Respond with sensitivity.
4.    Use nurturing touch.
5.    Engage in nighttime parenting.
6.    Provide consistent, loving care.
7.    Practice positive discipline.
8.    Strive for balance in personal and family life.

Behind these principles is the notion that one can never give their child too much attention. Parents should be generous in providing loving touch and words of support. Corporal punishment is to be avoided, and verbal discipline should be rendered in a firm but loving tone.

So What Is Attachment Parenting?

Attachment parenting is a parenting style, or philosophy, based on what is known in the field of developmental psychology as “attachment theory”.  Attachment theory describes three potential types of emotional bond between parent and child: secure, ambivalent and avoidant.

Attachment parenting, then, is about working towards creating a secure emotional bond between parent and child by practicing certain parenting techniques believed to lead to this sense of security.

The eight principles of attachment parenting, as laid out by Dr. William Sears, are as follows:
1.    Preparation for pregnancy, birth and parenting.
2.    Feed with love and respect.
3.    Respond with sensitivity.
4.    Use nurturing touch.
5.    Engage in nighttime parenting.
6.    Provide consistent, loving care.
7.    Practice positive discipline.
8.    Strive for balance in personal and family life.

Behind these principles is the notion that one can never give their child too much attention. Parents should be generous in providing loving touch and words of support. Corporal punishment is to be avoided, and verbal discipline should be rendered in a firm but loving tone.

Critics of attachment parenting claim that this level of ‘coddling’ is not necessary and the approach may backfire if the parent crosses the line from ’sensitive’ to ‘overly permissive’.

Children do need you to be an “authoritative” figure in their lives. Note the emphasis on the word ‘authoritative’, not ‘authoritarian’. Good parenting is a balancing act. We must constantly walk a line of being neither too harsh nor too easy on our children. This means making rules and boundaries that are both clear and fair.

The basic principles of attachment parenting do provide a good guidepost to the kind of relationship to strive towards with your child. Patience, consistency and loving support are all components of good parenting skills!